Rejection - A Case of the Mondays.

Well, today was Monday. I didn't sleep well, but I didn't let that stop me.

I'll start with the positives: I'm working with great teachers, at a great school, in a great district....in Texas? (I'm starting to get used to it...maybe, we have our ups and downs). I concocted a decent dinner out of random leftovers and stuff in my fridge, I call them barbecue chicken enchiladas. I spoke on the phone with some great people back der in Michigan, eh? I made cookies; I went with the Ghiardelli semi-sweet and the recipe plus some even finer ground coffee. I like the Nestle recipe better, but I've been told to pick up the Martha Stewart Cookie Book, so I'm going to soon. I also helped to break a month long silence between two of my friends who happen to be married to each other...okay, so maybe that didn't really happen...or did it.

On to the negatives: I didn't sleep as well for various reasons, none all to serious. The kids were dragging today, only a few came in to play for me this morning. Class, overall, lacked energy. And I had a little wind taken from my sail when I received an email from Bowling Green at lunch time, "I am sorry to inform you that the faculty of the College of Musical Arts have not approved your admission to our performance graduate program." I'm over it though...sort of, I baked rejection cookies. I'll save the rejection beer for next time. It's not over though, it was the first rejection letter I've received. Well...I got one from MSU's College of Music about 4 years ago, although I did get into MSU and could have re auditioned. I can still send in a dvd with the music ed stuff and be considered that way...so the fat lady hasn't sang yet. This kind of changed my mindset for the day and made it a, well, a Monday.

However, by being rejected, I've realized that every day I get closer to the real world. What is the real world? Is it like 2001: A Space Odyssey? I hope not? That was confusing as f....umm, confusing as girls...yeah, girls are confusing. The real world for me is the day that I have to make the decision on what to do next. Choosing a college is one of those days, it sets the course for the rest of your life. Graduating from college is another big day, you either enter the job market, or continue your education somewhere, or you do nothing. The key is, you have to make a choice. I hate making choices, I let life make them for me.

*Flashback* Relationship ends (a choice I made for the best) applies to MSU. Go to MSU, why not, I got accepted into their honors program and can take any class I want. No financial aid, oh well, I'll figure things out, MSU will be the place for me....Guidance office calls me down for a phone call....Hello NMU, what's that, you are giving me a full ride? Tuition and Room and Board? Can I get back to you, I'm still figuring a few things out...gets extension, MSU sends rejection letter to music program...Hello NMU, I'd like to accept that scholarship. And I'm glad I did, I've met some amazing people, been able to play everywhere (well in da UP, eh?). And now I'm in Texas, rapidly approaching another life directing choice.

Now back to the present. I'm approaching another choice. But options are being eliminated for me, and I'm realizing I'm ready to teach. I'd love to go on for performance, but that will be a choice life will have to make for me. It's all about tossing the dice and hoping for a good combination. Flipping a coin and letting life call heads or tails. Taking a shot in the dark (I like this, a shot in the dark...like a gun...or a shot, depending on where you are, either can be good or bad). I'm in Texas and finally meeting people. But it's funny, they are all from the Midwest, most went to ISU and are teaching or student teaching here...apparently I missed a memo about the NISD coordinating housing, oh well, I like my place, I'm close to my schools. I ordered a bike and I'm stoked about it. I can't really rollerski here, so I needed something and I figured I'd go all in and get what I want.

So what you can get from this, is that a case of the Mondays can be a though provoking thing. You just need to work your way through it and figure out what it means for the direction of events to come. Are choices really choices? Can we actually decide to do something? or does life decide of us? Is it random? Is it predetermined? Is it structured chaos? What if? When? How do I get there? Do I get there? Why? Why not? So many questions, but that are what dreams are for, that is what time is for, that is what life is for.

I feel myself digging deeper....time to think.